I was bitten by the acting bug in high school, and actually started college with the thought of becoming an actress. My dad, despite teasing me about "wanting to be Marilyn Monroe", backed this thought over my mother's objections, even to the point of driving me to Boston to apply at Leland Powers School of Radio, Television and Theater. (The school, which was in one of the buildings behind the Green Monster of Fenway Park, offered a very media intensive program over a two year crash course and had a fairly decent reputation - but they went bankrupt and closed just after I was accepted.)
Before every show I was ever in, I started getting nervous about the prospect of being in front of the crowd a couple of weeks in advance of the opening night. My greatest acting job ever was pretending to the world that I was okay during that final couple of weeks, that I wasn't in total panic mode, and that I was confident that I was ready for opening night.
On opening night, if I made the mistake of putting food into my nervous stomach, I would be vomiting within the last hour before hitting the stage......
I kept telling myself that I would outgrow that problem.
I kept telling myself that, when I was doing more shows and/or getting in front of a camera instead of going onto a live stage, I would stop getting so nervous about that whole "crowd" thing.
I took speech classes with the intent of getting to the point that I could write a speech, NOT get nervous about the idea of presenting said speech to an audience, and NOT get physically ill before standing in front of the crowd.
Yeah.
About that.
Obviously, I never did outgrow that problem, as I'm at that "so nervous my stomach is churning" point with two weeks left before I need to be prepared to stand in front of a crowd and give my prepared speech. Even though I'm supposed to be just putting out the prepared flyers today, I'm procrastinating rather than just getting dressed, finishing the weatherproofing of my flyers, and going out to start the car so that I can go to Portland and get them out around town. I haven't even managed to get myself to eat breakfast this morning, as I'm afraid that I might get to that "need to vomit" stage before I finish hanging my flyers.....
Obviously, the 33 years of NOT going in front of the crowds didn't really mature me much, and even though I'm trying to tell myself that there's no reason for the panic state, myself isn't listening.
*deep, soul wrenching sigh*
Well, as the old commercial used to say, "It's time to make the donuts". I'd better get myself dressed, get the flyers and my staple gun ready, and get the "invitation process" finished. Then it will be time to meditate and try to calm myself before the stomach storm hits critical mass.....
Looks like it's time for me to dust off that acting side of me that will continue to function as if nothing's wrong while the inner claxon continues to bellow. Perhaps when the insomnia strikes during the last couple of days, I can distract myself with working on "A Wild Tiger's Heart".....
And a final "note to self": DON'T EAT ANYTHING ON FEBRUARY 28TH! (At least, not until AFTER the speech.....)
Before every show I was ever in, I started getting nervous about the prospect of being in front of the crowd a couple of weeks in advance of the opening night. My greatest acting job ever was pretending to the world that I was okay during that final couple of weeks, that I wasn't in total panic mode, and that I was confident that I was ready for opening night.
On opening night, if I made the mistake of putting food into my nervous stomach, I would be vomiting within the last hour before hitting the stage......
I kept telling myself that I would outgrow that problem.
I kept telling myself that, when I was doing more shows and/or getting in front of a camera instead of going onto a live stage, I would stop getting so nervous about that whole "crowd" thing.
I took speech classes with the intent of getting to the point that I could write a speech, NOT get nervous about the idea of presenting said speech to an audience, and NOT get physically ill before standing in front of the crowd.
Yeah.
About that.
Obviously, I never did outgrow that problem, as I'm at that "so nervous my stomach is churning" point with two weeks left before I need to be prepared to stand in front of a crowd and give my prepared speech. Even though I'm supposed to be just putting out the prepared flyers today, I'm procrastinating rather than just getting dressed, finishing the weatherproofing of my flyers, and going out to start the car so that I can go to Portland and get them out around town. I haven't even managed to get myself to eat breakfast this morning, as I'm afraid that I might get to that "need to vomit" stage before I finish hanging my flyers.....
Obviously, the 33 years of NOT going in front of the crowds didn't really mature me much, and even though I'm trying to tell myself that there's no reason for the panic state, myself isn't listening.
*deep, soul wrenching sigh*
Well, as the old commercial used to say, "It's time to make the donuts". I'd better get myself dressed, get the flyers and my staple gun ready, and get the "invitation process" finished. Then it will be time to meditate and try to calm myself before the stomach storm hits critical mass.....
Looks like it's time for me to dust off that acting side of me that will continue to function as if nothing's wrong while the inner claxon continues to bellow. Perhaps when the insomnia strikes during the last couple of days, I can distract myself with working on "A Wild Tiger's Heart".....
And a final "note to self": DON'T EAT ANYTHING ON FEBRUARY 28TH! (At least, not until AFTER the speech.....)
aww i hope it all turns out awesomely and you'll look back on this nervousness and laugh your boots off. good luck!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the good thoughts, Sarah. I had overcome my fears by the time the day arrived, but it also came off very sunny, but frigidly cold (as tends to happen in February in Maine, where a brilliant, sunny day can still have a negative degree reading on the thermometer). Either because of the cold (which makes people stay inside whatever building they happen to be in rather than going out at lunch time) or because of the day/hour, or other things beyond my control, no one came.
ReplyDeleteAh well. I'm now in discussion with friends and family about doing a similar gathering in my dad's hometown, where many of the relatives/friends still live, in a warmer time of year so that we can be outside if it's nice or inside the library if it's rainy. An invitation will be posted when the details are worked out. *smile*